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Wednesday 28 September 2011

Happy Birthday to Me :)

Today is a huge day, it's my 40th birthday and it is also my 10th wedding anniversary.

They say life begins at 40. My life didn't really begin until I met Paul, that was Phase 1 at 17 years old. I met this wonderful man whilst sitting next to him at a concert, had a whirlwind romance and started living together about 6 months later. 

He has been there with me through my darkest times, and also through the many happy ones. We are team Cruxton, he has his faults, I have mine but together we make a strong team.

I wanted my 40th birthday to be a starting point for Phase 2 of my life. Without telling anyone I stopped taking my anti-depressants a month ago, I was scared but felt ready to try. They have done a great job at holding back a lot of the hurt and pain that I have gone through for the last 11 months but I wanted the numbness to go away. You don't know how easy it is to walk again until they take your crutches away do you?

Anyway, I did have a very shaky couple of weeks where I honestly wondered if I was doing the right thing but then suddenly I was enjoying the little things in life again, but almost enjoying it like I had never experienced it before. I was in the garden weeding and a robin kept me company for nearly 3 hours, it was amazing how this tiny little thing made me so happy. I am trying so hard to look at things in a different light and my counsellor is doing an amazing job in that respect, helping me see the positives in myself once more. I've still got a way to go, but I know I can do it.

Hubby noticed this weekend that there is a big change in me and when I told him I wasn't taking the tablets any more he was delighted. He said I seemed more animated and happier.

I can't promise I won't have bad days but feel more able to approach them with a better frame of mind.  Happiness is a choice and I have a lot to be happy about.

Here's to life beginning at 40 :)


Jacki Daniels said...

Happy birthday Mandy I wish I had known I would have sent you a card still you can have a virtual hug instead ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
I hope you have a wonderful day
Jacki xx

Stef H said...

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, mandy! i wish you many more happy miracles.

hugs :)

Wishcraft said...

Oh I hope you have a FABULOUS birthday hun and happy anniversary to you both too! Big hugs, wishing lots of wonderful things your way xxx

Thanks for the congrats too! Lisa x

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary. And here's to a happy fun filled Phase 2 without too many dips. Well done you. xx

Shan said...

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary. I hope all your birthday wishes come true.


THERESA said...

A Big Happy B/Day and Anniversary, both good numbers!!!
Hope your life will be filled with love. laughter, joy and blessings.
lotsa luv

Kim Kelley said...

Happy Birthday! And welcome to the 4-0 club! Good for yo on going off your pills. I have been on an antidepression med for the past 8 years and am no way ready to go off. So I am very proud of you. And you are lucky to have met your soul mate so young...mine walked into my life just over 12 years ago. Many blessings and good times are wished for you!



Linda said...

I missed this post. Happy Birthday! Good for you to work on You. That is so important. Careful going off your anti-D. I have been trying too but find it is better to reduce the amount. Maybe someday I will be off too. I will be 59 in Dec Talk about depressing. LOL . I need to start thinking about my Phase 3. LOL
I hope you had a wonderful day and if you ever want to talk or just feeling down and want to vent I have a good ear.

Ellis said...

Happy belated birthday and anniversary! =)
Hugs, Elenor

Shoshi said...

They say life begins at 40! Very many congratulations not only on the milestone birthday, but on your wedding anniversary too, and also for the huge step of moving on from the ADs. Yes, scary, but worth the risk, in spades! You sound so positive, and looking forward to the future, and happy. Your post was so uplifting!

Like you, I find pleasure in the little things, like the birds that come to the feeder that my hubby has hung up outside our patio doors where I can sit and watch them. There is so much beauty around us, if we only take the trouble to look.

Also like you, I have a wonderful hubby. We celebrated our silver wedding in May. We've had our ups and downs too (which couple hasn't?) but bottom line, we are made for each other and complement each other in so many ways. I can't imagine life without him.

Thank you for your lovely comments on my blog! So much appreciated.