Today is a huge day, it's my 40th birthday and it is also my 10th wedding anniversary.
They say life begins at 40. My life didn't really begin until I met Paul, that was Phase 1 at 17 years old. I met this wonderful man whilst sitting next to him at a concert, had a whirlwind romance and started living together about 6 months later.
He has been there with me through my darkest times, and also through the many happy ones. We are team Cruxton, he has his faults, I have mine but together we make a strong team.
I wanted my 40th birthday to be a starting point for Phase 2 of my life. Without telling anyone I stopped taking my anti-depressants a month ago, I was scared but felt ready to try. They have done a great job at holding back a lot of the hurt and pain that I have gone through for the last 11 months but I wanted the numbness to go away. You don't know how easy it is to walk again until they take your crutches away do you?
Anyway, I did have a very shaky couple of weeks where I honestly wondered if I was doing the right thing but then suddenly I was enjoying the little things in life again, but almost enjoying it like I had never experienced it before. I was in the garden weeding and a robin kept me company for nearly 3 hours, it was amazing how this tiny little thing made me so happy. I am trying so hard to look at things in a different light and my counsellor is doing an amazing job in that respect, helping me see the positives in myself once more. I've still got a way to go, but I know I can do it.
Hubby noticed this weekend that there is a big change in me and when I told him I wasn't taking the tablets any more he was delighted. He said I seemed more animated and happier.
I can't promise I won't have bad days but feel more able to approach them with a better frame of mind. Happiness is a choice and I have a lot to be happy about.
Here's to life beginning at 40 :)